New Moon on Monday

"I light my torch and wave it for the New Moon on Monday and a firedance though the night..." - Duran Duran

The new moon is magical. Last night, as the moon waned into Libra, I gathered with my mama friends to share our intentions for the lunar cycle ahead. And there among us, on a surprise visit, sat our dearly missed friend Heidi - all the way from Sweden! We basked in her glow all night as she led us in our circle - like so many times before - and bestowed her keen wisdom upon us.

I have never met another woman like Heidi - her connection to the Earth seems to be in perfect balance with her connection to all that is beyond. So her energy was exactly what was called for with the Libra new moon, a time to find balance in our lives and within our relationships. Late into the night (way late) we took turns around the circle, sharing what had happened with our intentions since the last moon and setting new intentions for the month ahead.

During these new moon circles, I am struck by the strength of our sisterhood and how we wax and wane together, following the pull of the moon and the seasons in unity. While our stories are each unique, a common thread is always evident. Two months ago, everyone was crazy, overwhelmed and out of control, searching for sanity and escape. This moon circle, the energy leaned towards release, creativity and abundance. With harvest season here, we are ready to reap what we have sown. Heidi has been helping each of us do this for years, both by delivering our babies and offering unconditional friendship. It seems only appropriate that the moon would pull her here to us this month, as we count our blessings - of which she and this magical sisterhood she created are top of the list.

Poetry from the Nest

Seasons

What happens to your soul as you dance through the seasons around your life
And what rhythm is it that we dance to, that brings us back, again and again to
Summer-Fall-Winter-Spring

What joys do they bring, or sorrows do they spread
Light is cast and shadows fall, as life blooms or lies dead

Shades of green or fire or ice lay before us
As we tread the gentle Earth
Who changes her emotions like a new dress
Taking us with her in the depths of our souls
Or the creases on our face
Holding hands and dancing, happily, wearily -
Around and around through the seasons
Looking deep, searching for reasons

A Mother, An Artist, An Inspiration

My mother has a great story she loves to tell... when she was a young mommy, deeply entrenched in the daze of a stay-at-home mom, she knew she needed a creative outlet to stay sane. So with visions of being a folk-singer, playing guitar with children seated around her in an idylic fashion, she signed up for a guitar class at the local community college. It was cancelled before it began. Panicked, she quickly took a slot in the next available class - watercolors. And a passion was born. Fast forward about 30 years - my mother, Marcy Chapman, is a renowned compositional watercolorist. Last Friday, she debuted her fall collection, featuring a stunning series of sunflowers, at a local art walk. Her whim to try painiting has served her well over the years; at first it offered a distraction from her little ones, then as her talent developed along with her girls, it became a means to pay for college educations! But most noteworthy to me right now is how my mother stays grounded in herself through her art (and has throughout many stages of mothering!). Painting is a place she can always come home to that belongs just to her. I want this too! I am now the one at home with two little girls, wiping noses and bottoms and getting a thrill over hearing what Selby has for snack each day at preschool. So, I am following in my mother's footsteps, pursuing a creative outlet to express myself beyond the sweet confinements of motherhood. I have begun to write again; a book on my home-birth community is in the works, article pitches on natural parenting are finding their way to publications and, of course, I'm showing up here to blog. Already, I'm finding a bit of sanity trhough the written word. A sweet, creative escape where I am more than just Mommy.

Do you have a creative outlet? I'd love to hear about it!

A Season of Balance

Tomorrow is the Fall Equinox, the first day of Autumn. And although you can hardly tell it is Fall here in southwest Florida, it is my favorite season. Arriving in the month of my birth, Autumn is always a time of new beginnings for me. While in other parts of the world people are preparing their nests for the long winter ahead, here in Florida, we are finally coming out of hibernation. After being holed up all summer in our air conditioned home for fear of heat stroke, I took the girls out today for some much needed fresh air at a local park. We looked for signs of fall...and actually found a few colorful leaves!And although it was still near unbearably hot, we enjoyed the day outside, in honor of the changing season. Selby fed the ducks and turtles. She made a nature collection that included various leaves, acorns, a stick that looked remarkably like a hammer and the treasured find: two feathers. The feathers - one black and one white - are a perfect symbol for the Fall Equinox, when day and night are of the same length, ushering in a season of balance. Yin & Yang.I plan to use the season to explore my own equilibrium and find my own sense of balance. I will continue to look for the balance point amidst the chaos of mothering small children, caring for a household, supporting a community of friends & family and revisiting my writing career. However, I'm not holding my breath. After all, an equinox only happens on two days during the year in nature. I'd be happy to find some balance on just one!

Pillow Talk

"Mommy, let's pretend you're a pillow that can talk," Selby said as she snuggled against me in her bed tonight. As she drifted off to sleep nestled into me, I first thought about how perhaps it was time to tackle that still-lingering baby weight. Then I remembered something my friend and former midwife, Heidi, once told me. She said the extra "fluff" that hangs around after childbirth is there "so you can be like a pillow for your baby." And my perception on being a pillow began to change... My pillow ranks way up there on the list of things that bring me comfort. I would guess it does for most people. And what better gift can I give my children than a soft, warm place to rest their heads and hearts upon anytime they need comfort?

With an intention to cultivate compassion in my life, I often find myself offering comfort to friends and family. This week has been no exception, as I have been cooking my heart out (what better comfort is there than food, really?) to help some much deserved people in my life. Yesterday, I made the ultimate of comfort foods - chicken pot pie - for a friend whose family has been dealt more than their share of hard times lately. Following a favorite Barefoot Contessa (Ina Garten) recipe my mother turned me on to - with a few of my own tweaks - I had enough for two casserole dishes. I took the extra meal to my parents, who have been working tirelessly to prepare for an art opening tomorrow night (more on that after the event!).

Along with the pot pie, I delivered both households a salad and zucchini chocolate chip cookies, homemade from a recipe in Barbara Kingsolver's incredible book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. Of course, I saved a few for myself!For me, cooking is like a moving meditation so it feeds my soul to feed the ones I love. Today I found myself back in the kitchen, putting together a mostly-organic ratatouille to bring along to tomorrow evening's art opening to feed the behind-the-scenes crew - all of which are friends of mine. I plan to offer it with orzo pasta mixed with feta cheese and fresh basil.

When sharing comforts from the heart with others, I have found the universe, in its characteristically magnificent way, always seems to reciprocate in-kind. Yesterday, I was given a beautiful gift at each of my deliveries. Jeff, the girls and I were able to stay and share the meal I had prepared with my dear parents - their gratitude for both the food and company was heartfelt. And when dropping off the meal at my friend's house, she gave me a belated birthday gift that was, ironically, a pillow! Not just any pillow, mind you, but a throw pillow she hand made to match my in-the-works "enchanted forest" family room. A pillow that speaks to the wonder of giving & receiving and all the comforts they bring.

Ina Garten's Chicken Pot Pie: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/chicken-pot-pie-recipe/

Barbara Kingsolver's Zucchini Chocolate Chip Cookies: http://www.animalvegetablemiracle.com/Zucchini%20Cookies.pdf

Art Opening Ratatouille: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Ratatouille/Detail.aspx

Buddha Nature

The first time I drove by this sign - just up the street from my house - I laughed out loud. Imagine if people had to advertise their inner beauty so blatantly! But now, after passing the sign day after day, sometimes up to 6 times in a day, it has become a mantra of sorts. "I'm beautiful inside," I think on the way to dropping Selby at preschool, and again on the way home from the gym, and again on the way to the grocery...you get the picture. All this has led me to think about my Buddha Nature - or higher self - and how to reconnect with it to be a more mindful parent. This means letting go of attachments and aversions. It means being less defensive and less reactive. A challenge, for sure! Here's how it went today:

5:55 a.m. - Sage wakes once and for all from an all-night-nurse-athon, leaving me particularly raw in more ways than one. I try to channel my Buddha nature and release my aversion to 10 months of sleep deprivation...

8:20 a.m. - On my way to drop off Selby I'm reminded "I'm beautiful inside." Thank you house for sale...

11:00 a.m. - Laundry is piled up, dishes are waiting, bills are unopened, work deadlines are looming. Sage has hit the peak of separation anxiety at the same time as she is trying to stand up on her own - I can't take an eye off of her for one second. I try and let go of my attachment to productivity and focus my attention on the patient work of caring for a baby...

1:45 p.m. - On my way to pick up Selby - "I'm beautiful inside." Oh yeah...

4:00 p.m. - I put forth my best effort to give Selby some much-needed interactive play time. Apparently, I don't know how to play Barbies right, I don't understand how to properly make believe I'm a bunny and during dress-up, I get it all wrong. I tell myself there's no need to be defensive with a preschooler and humbly accept my inadequacy as a playmate...

7:45 p.m. - Jeff is working late so I'm flying solo at bedtime. Selby continuously enters the room as I'm attempting to put Sage down; my pleas for her to play on her own go ignored. I remember to be less reactive and breathe through my anger. Eventually, Sage will sleep. Right?

8:30 p.m. - Feeling worn out and beat up, I sit down to reflect on the day. I resolve that living from my Buddha Nature at this point in my life is an unfair challenge - after all, Buddha had no children!

I know my Buddha Nature is in there somewhere. It is the calm, wise parent I strive to be. It is the spacious, clear mind I want to share with my girls. And, like a parent watching the antics of a child, it watches the dramas of my daily life with amusement and detachment and compassion all at once. So while deep in the trenches of motherhood this 'true nature' often feels out of reach, I take great comfort in the knowledge that it is there. And I gently remind myself that, like the house on the corner, "I'm beautiful inside."

Purple Toenails & Righteous Babes

I painted my toenails a smoky purple for Maggie & Megen's wedding over the weekend. The hue just seemed to match the mood of romance and celebration. And it reminded me of the purple tones we used to highlight the decor at my wedding, 6 years ago. As it turned out, it was the perfect color - their storybook wedding was washed in shades of purple. The ceremony was held outside under a sprawling tree, draped in flowing purple and white fabric.

The reception was elegantly staged under a massive tent (over 100 adults, 25 children and 13 babies attended), with tables accented in purple and white flora. It was truly a family affair, with a "children's village" set up outside the tent, complete with playhouse and preschool teachers. We hardly saw Selby all evening...
...which allowed me to enjoy the official wedding cocktail, a Righteous Babe. This yummy concoction was some mix of vodka, pineapple juice, grenadine and some other stuff I can't remember. Anyhow, it was my first taste of liquor since Sage joined our family last November. Thank you Maggie & Megen - two righteous babes indeed! And speaking of righteous babes, all the mamas I love so much were in attendance. I was once again reminded of the fabulous community we have created as natural nesters. As Kenji (looking so gorgeous below) shared with me & Laura over a few to-die-for cupcakes: "I am so glad I know you ladies. I couldn't get by without you."

Little Yogis

In my mind I am a yogi, following the path of unity through a devoted yoga practice. I have a great collection of yoga gear - a purple mat in a nifty carrying case, blocks, straps and pillows. I have read Deepak Chopra's enlightening The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga multiple times. I have a Yoga for Stress Relief DVD (somewhere...). But truthfully, when it comes to yoga, I think about it a lot more than I actually do it. That is, unless you count all the strange contortions I perform when nursing a squirmy baby Sage in bed, or the balancing act of carrying her sweet 23 lbs 11 oz on one hip with a diaper bag, purse, backpack and lunch box on the other shoulder, as asanas. I call them Milk Twist Pose and Mama's Morning Salutations. Until I revisit a true yoga practice I am happy to be living vicariously through my 4-year-old Selby's weekly yoga class.

Today, when I got to the dance studio to pick her up, I peeked in to see 9 little girls sitting in a perfect circle, hands in prayer position, sweetly singing to one another: "My little light bows to your little light, to your little light and to your little light; My little light bows to your little light...Namaste." I felt a rush of joy for her young introduction to the union of body, mind & spirit.
Selby and all these children have the unique advantage of practicing yoga from the place adult yogis strive so hard to cultivate - "beginner's mind." They explore asanas the same way they explore their world - free from preconceived notions and expectations, through a veil of wonder. And they have a lot of fun while doing it. During downward dog pose they sing "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?" They play a game with tree pose where they pretend to be in a forest. And during savasana, the relaxation time at the end of class, they close their eyes and imagine they are crystal blue ponds while Miss Colleen sets yellow rubber duckies on their tummies to ride the waves of their precious breaths. So while I may not be actively practicing yoga right now, at least I have my little yogi to remind me to try and bring beginner's mind to the mundane tasks and rote activities of my daily life - a new way, perhaps, to "freshen up" the laundry!

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities. In the
expert's mind there are few." - Zen Master Suzuki Roshi

Mother Blessings

Nesting is one of those wonky things most women experience intensely during pregnancy. I did. And after preening and preparing my home for my babies, I birthed them there - gently and naturally - right into my nest. Most mothers don't take nesting this far (less than 1% of American women choose home birth). Thankfully, however, I'm not alone in my community. I belong to a circle of friends - all home-birth mamas - that unite motherhood and sisterhood in the most extraordinary way. In fact, I think our friendship is so special, I am writing a book about it (more on that in a future post!).

Last Sunday, we mamas all gathered to honor our sister Colleen, expecting baby #2, with a traditional blessingway ceremony. The circle began with smudging - the burning of herbs for clearing, prayer and purification. We used a bundle of dried sage from Maggie's garden, swirling the smoke around each of us, from head to toe, making the air heavy with its ancient & earthy scent. Candles were lit to call in the spirits of the north, east, south and west. More candles were lit, one by each woman, to introduce ourselves and honor our mothers and grandmothers. We sat with all the women who have come before us, ready to honor Mother, birth and life.

Colleen received blessings for her birth, offered from the heart of each mother present, along with symbolic beads that she will string together to form a birthing necklace. It will carry the energy and power of all of us and can be worn for strength and endurance during the birth.

Showered with blessings, it was time for a little pampering. Harmony, the midwife, scrubbed Colleen's feet with sugar scrub in a basin of water, symbolizing her readiness for a journey and new beginning. Maggie lovingly rubbed her hands to send away any fears. And Colleen's mother brushed her hair, honoring the transmission that occurs between the generations. A crown woven of flowers, sage and mint was placed upon her head - transforming her into a goddess mama. So beautiful!

Tears flowed as our dear friend Heidi, who moved to Sweden two months ago, joined the circle via phone, and led us in song: "Woman am I. Spirit am I. I am the infinite within my soul. I have no beginning and I have no end. All this I am." The ball of red yarn that has been used at all our blessingways - and symbolizes the blood that runs through the veins of every woman - was passed around the circle. We each wrapped a bit of yarn around a wrist or ankle, joining ourselves in a web of sisterhood. The yarn was cut, and we will wear it in support of Colleen until her baby is born. The circle was opened and we ate all the yummy, nourishing food prepared for this special day. It was a beautiful mother blessing and I am sure Colleen will have a very sweet birth.