10 Years a Mama... a Metamorphosis

Pomegranate with blue morpho butterflies and
Banded Sphinx Moth caterpillar, Maria Sibylla Merian

Ten years ago, on a steamy summer morning under a Gemini moon, I welcomed my first daughter into the world. It was a quick and intense labor; Selby was born at home, as planned, right into her daddy’s hands. I settled my baby girl into my arms and heart effortlessly... and yet, I was completely and totally unprepared for what lay ahead.

I knew motherhood would change my life on the surface. But it was those changes that lurked below, emerging one by one, suddenly and without warning, which brought me to my knees in the early days (months, years...). The complete loss of the me I had known for 29 years. The new way I viewed the world through the eyes of a mother. Then, the way I had to reevaluate every aspect of my existence through this new perspective.

Now, here we are 10 years later. Ten! I've journeyed alongside my baby girl as she has grown and developed, become a big sister, began her schooling, and discovered interests and talents all her own. My heart and full attention have remained fixated on my daughter, and then daughters, since that exhilarating, steamy morning in June 2004.



Metamorphosis of the Insects of Surinam,
 Maria Sibylla Merian,

But this past year, I've had another shift of perspective; new changes have once again brought me to my knees. My babies are 10 and 6 years old. Their independence, self-direction, and self-reliance grows every day. I now have a different role, a new direction, as a mother. This role begs me to refocus a bit back on myself. To be an example for my two emerging young ladies so that they can know how to be healthy, confident, creative, strong, self-loving, compassionate, and caring.... by watching me. Mama.

So I've been looking within, asking questions, and mostly shedding layers. Layers and layers of my past - from childhood, to young adulthood, to new motherhood - any layers and layers of past roles I've been wrapped up in - from little girl, to daughter, to young wife and new mama - are slipping away. And I'm emerging - as if from a chrysalis - a changed person.

In 10 years, I've learned that motherhood is a metamorphosis... I imagine it is a series of them, but I don't yet know as I'm only emerging from my first. I'm unfolding new wings, stretching them wide to reach the breadth of my growing gals. With these wings I have new freedoms, as well as new responsibilities. And once again, I'm forced to reevaluate life with new eyes...  what an amazing ride!

Happy 10th birthday to my sweet Selby. 

I am honored and grateful to share this awesome journey with you.