Final Thoughts on Compassion

Saturday marked the final day of my 30 Days of Compassion. Away on a long weekend road trip with the family, I was totally disconnected and unable to share my final thoughts on the subject. However, hours in the car, and relaxing by the Gulf, allowed me some space to reflect:

Compassion is unconditional love. First, for ourselves. Then, for all other sentient beings - those we love, those we hardly know, those we've never heard of, and those who push us to our limits.

Compassion is replacing quick judgment with deeper understanding.

Compassion is accepting the moment just how it is - good or bad, pretty or ugly - instead of avoiding, suppressing and resisting it.

Compassion is knowing we are all the same, and acting accordingly.

Compassion is showing kindness to all.

Compassion goes beyond the "I'm sorry for your suffering" to the "I'll help alleviate your pain."

Compassion is the opening of your heart to living life to the fullest, with all its juicy, fragrant goodness, as well as its smelly, scratchy icky parts.

Compassion is the kind of life I want to live.

Thank you for joining me on this journey! I am so grateful for your support.

Day 28 :: I Got Me Some Joy

Yesterday I started to feel the joy... and it truly did come from celebrating the happiness of others. Thank you to those of you who shared what is bringing you joy right now - your words gave me much to celebrate and I feel great joy for each of you. (If you haven't had a chance to comment yet, please still do!).

More happiness bubbled up on a spontaneous sunset visit to the beach with my greatest joys: my girls and my guy! A little tide pool made for the perfect spot to let the girls splash and explore.

We saw dolphins...

and mermaids...

and had an overall magical evening, full of laughter and playfulness. It was dark when we left, all sandy and salty. Upon returning home, we slipped into the pool for a little moonlight swim. The delight on the girls' faces to be swimming at nighttime!! filled my heart full of joy. Sometimes, all we need is to look outside ourselves.

Note: practicing true sympathetic joy includes feeling joy for not only the ones we love (which is easy), but also for beings we don't know and, even more difficult, for the ones we find challenging. This is an ongoing journey I plan to continue beyond my 30 Days of Compassion.

Day 26 :: Joy (Part 2)

"Learning to feel joy for others can help transform our own suffering and self-centeredness into joy." - Joan Halifax Roshi

A moment of truth: I've been really cranky since I wrote about joy yesterday. I've really wanted to be cheerful, and I'm not giving up, but I'm refocusing my attention a bit. Instead of trying to will myself into a joyful state of mind, I am, instead, looking to rejoice in the happiness of others.

This practice, known as sympathetic joy, is another Buddhist teaching that sits alongside compassion, loving kindness and equanimity, (these are called the Four Perfect Virtues). Sympathetic joy allows us to celebrate the basic goodness and fundamental well being of other beings. It allows us to feel happiness for others' fortune and success instead of jealous or envious. And in turn, it allows us to feel greater joy toward ourselves and our own capabilities for happiness.

You can help me out! Please tell me what is bringing you joy in your life right now. What successes or good fortunes are you rejoicing in? I would really love to be happy for you.

Day 25 :: Joy (Part 1)

"One joy scatters a hundred griefs." - Chinese Proverb

Over the weekend, I went to see Julie & Julia with two dear ladies in my life. One of the things I loved about the movie was how Julia Child was portrayed to live with such JOY! Played by Meryl Streep, Julia seemed to dive full force into life, reveling in its pleasures and just skimming over its disappointments. She obviously found great joy in cooking and eating good food, but she also embraced happiness though the love she shared with her husband and through a dear friendship she experienced with a pen pal. She even seemed to find humor, and the underlying joy it can offer, in life's less gratifying moments.

I want to cultivate this attitude of joy. I can see how it links to compassionate living, for when you're happy, it's much easier to share happiness with others. And helping others achieve happiness is the ultimate goal of compassion.

So in the spirit of Julia Child, I'm putting some attention on being more joyful. I shall try and impart some levity to my days through good humor, playfulness and laughter. I shall try and notice and seek out more everyday delights, more simple pleasures. And I shall try and appreciate the happy gratification these moments bring. I do hope you will join me!

Day 23 :: Loving Kindness

“You don’t need to actively seek out opportunities to be compassionate; they are all around you in your everyday life. Simply awaken your own instinct for goodness and help alleviate suffering wherever you encounter it." - Marcel Proust

I've been writing a lot about kindness here; about acts of kindness to others and to myself. A reader pointed out that my post titled Random Acts of Kindness was really not properly named, as random implies anonymous - or doing something unexpected for a stranger. What I was doing was simply being kind to people I know and love. This is easier, although not to be discounted. This helped me realize I was just skimming the surface of practicing loving kindness. This weekend, I am focusing on true "random" acts of kindness, deepening my practice to where my love extends beyond friends and family to all people (and other sentient beings) - from those I pass on the street to those I hear about on the news.

May we all be happy.

Day 19 :: Riding the Waves

"It is said that the awareness of a Buddha is completely even, like the ocean, taking in equally the joys and sorrows of all people, friends, loved ones, relatives, and those never met."
- Buddhism with an Attitude


In my last post, I shared how practicing compassion can be overwhelming as I awaken to all the suffering in the world around me. For this reason, Buddhist teachings suggest practicing equanimity - which means even-mindedness - alongside compassion. It is this state of mind that allows us to approach each moment with an open heart, regardless of its difficulties or delights.

With equanimity, we can ride the waves of life - the ups and the downs - with a constant, calm heart so we keep from drowning. It allows us to:

- feel pain but not cling to it
- experience joy without attaching to it
- have trust in moments of uncertainty
- offer compassion without pity

Practicing equanimity requires both being in the moment and letting go. So as I strive to cultivate compassion, I'm also beginning to focus more attention on cultivating equanimity by being in the moment, without judgment, without aversion, without clinging. Just riding the waves...

Day 18 :: Checking In

I'm 18 days into putting my attention, daily, on cultivating compassion. I haven't written about it here every day because some days it's just too heavy. Or too personal for such a public forum. Or, I simply can't figure out how to translate my experiences into words. What I can say is that, so far, focusing my awareness on compassion has required me to further soften and open my heart. And while this opening has allowed space to experience a deeper level of pleasure, it has created an equal space for experiencing pain.

I'm suddenly acutely aware of my own suffering, the suffering of others, and how our well being is all so very interconnected. I've been both overwhelmed by the responsibility we hold for one another and ourselves, and comforted by our unity.

I'm learning that practicing compassion is truly work of the heart. It's a willingness to open our hearts fully, joyfully and without judgment to both pleasure and pain. It's a readiness to respond with kindness. And, ultimately, it's a commitment to loving - ourselves and each other - deeply, unconditionally and completely.

If you're following along on this journey, please check in and share what you're learning about compassion. I'd love to hear from you!

Day 14 :: Self Kindness & Stretching

"Yoga is about compassion and generosity towards others. It means being mindful of the world around us." - Christy Turlington

At the advice of my acupuncturist, and the inspiration of my dear friend Rose, I got up this morning and did a little yoga. The day was just beginning to peek through the windows as I stretched out on the floor. My littlest chick climbed all about me, sprinkling cereal bits around my head, and then finally settling out next to me. The rest of the house slept quietly.

Oh, how long has it been since I stretched my poor body? I could feel the tightness in my muscles, the resistance in my back and legs. But as I moved, I began to feel something a little different. It started to feel, well, good! I felt everything begin to give a little, and a new energy began to course through my body. My closing meditation resulted in more of a lap-sitting session with the babe; but that's OK. I felt physically balanced, mentally centered and ready for the day.

Tonight, before I turn in, I plan to do another short practice, stretching the tensions of the day back out of my body. Stretching that small, quiet space in my mind until it fills me completely. And, ultimately, deepening the loving-kindness I show to myself in order to better show it to others, which speaks to the very heart of compassion.

Day 12 :: Self Kindness & Breathing

"Smile, breathe and go slowly." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Often, I catch myself holding my breath. So today I chose to concentrate my 'kindness to self' practice on simply remembering to breathe. Being home with my little chicks all day, I had the opportunity to practice mindful breathing, as well as to do some deep breathing exercises.

I lit some incense to put me in the right frame of mind (my incense burner is an original piece of stained glass art created by my sister, Dianne.) As the earthy scent of Nag Champa swirled about my house, it carried me ever so gently into mindfulness and reminded me, every so often, to take a deeper breath.

I also practiced a relaxing, deep breathing exercise by Dr. Andrew Weil called 4-7-8 Breath:

Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge behind your front teeth; keep it there throughout the exercise. Exhale through your mouth making a whoosh sound. Then, inhale quietly through your nose for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and exhale audibly through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat for four breath cycles two times a day.

Mid-day, I took a "breather" of another sort with a blend of white ayurvedic chai and jasmine pearl tea.

I inhaled its sweet & spicy fragrance and sipped it slowly while the girls played happily about my feet. Remembering to breathe consciously and deeply for just one day helped me to find some much-needed balance, an act of kindness I intend to continue.

Day 11 :: Self Kindness & Food

My compassion practice is focusing on kindness to self this week. Today, I put my attention on properly nourishing myself - an act of kindness that can easily fall to the bottom of the priority list on busy days. I love fresh, whole foods! Preparing them feeds my soul and focuses my mind; eating them energizes my body.

I got off to a healthy start with a favorite breakfast - homemade blueberry-almond granola and Kashi shredded wheat. Served in a hand-thrown ceramic bowl with a cup of creamy coffee on the side, and I'm happy, heart & soul!

Blueberry-Almond Granola
2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup sliced almonds
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup dried blueberries

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. On a large rimmed baking sheet, toss oats, coconut & almonds. In a small bowl, stir together oil & honey. Pour over mixture & toss. Bake, tossing occasionally, until lightly toasted, 16 to 20 minutes. Place in a large bowl & stir in blueberries. Store in an airtight container up to 1 month.

Dinner was another act of kindness for myself. I rarely prepare fish at home, as I'm really the only one who wants it. But tonight, I served a pan-grilled fillet of Wild Alaskan Salmon, brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt & fresh ground pepper.

On the side was a fresh green salad and Disappearing Zucchini Orzo from Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. I also made some fresh pesto using a bounty of garden-fresh basil, and following a recipe in Molly Wizenberg's lovely book A Homemade Life.
New to me, Wizenberg recommends pounding the basil leaves until bruised to help release their flavor. It was so yummy, and I made a double batch to kindly share with others! For you, the recipe:

Basil Pesto
2 cups tightly packed basil leaves, washed & dried well
1/2 cup olive oil
3 tablespoons pine nuts
2 medium cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup Parmigiano-Reggiano

Put the basil leaves in a zip lock plastic bag; press air out & seal. Pound the bag until the leaves are bruised. Put pounded basil, olive oil, pine nuts, garlic and salt in food processor. Process to a smooth, creamy consistency. Transfer to a medium boll and stir in Parmigiano-Reggiano.

Day 9 :: Random Acts of Kindness

The Law of Attraction has been hard at work over here. I put it out there to practice compassion and the opportunities to do so have been falling at my feet ever since. I've spent the past few days performing random acts of kindness; a few for myself and many for others. For me: some extra much-needed rest, a new book, accepting some extra childcare. For others: hospital visits, long phone conversations, homemade muffin deliveries.

The acts of kindness seem to be contagious. Yesterday, a work crew of family showed up at another family member's house to help out. In a few hours, together, we had:

:: fixed a long-broken toilet
:: painted a room
:: replaced a long-broken ceiling light fixture
:: flipped a mattress
:: moved furniture around
:: cleaned some hard-to-reach areas

Something more than handiwork was shared at this gathering. It was a deep understanding and communal desire to support another in a difficult time. It was an unspoken recognition that we are all connected; a gentle reminder that we are never really alone. It was an outpouring of love and compassion.

This weekend, the opportunities for kindness continue, including bringing a meal to a dear friend's house in honor of the glorious arrival of a new baby girl and the inevitable foggy days & nights that followed her into this world.

I'll meet you back here on Monday, with the first of a series of posts that have been brewing on Kindness to Self. Happy Weekending!

Day 6 :: Counting My Blessings

"On this New Moon of love, we must accept the responsibility to cultivate the intention for living each day as a loving, heartful, mindfully, compassionate being." - Lisa Dale Miller

Last night, in the shadow of another New Moon in Cancer and a total solar eclipse, my moon sisters and I strung gratitude beads. Gratitude beads are used to keep your mind focused while meditating upon the things you are grateful for. You hold the string of beads in your hand and reflect upon a blessing in your life (silently or out loud) for each one as you move it down the strand. I love the earthy beauty of all of our beads, which somehow seem to reflect our individual essences.

I fashioned my gratitude beads in my "colors of joy" palette, using a combination of wooden, semiprecious stone and glass beads. At each end of my strand, I created a loop from which I hung a symbolic charm. One end features a small, antique silver Quan Yin to remind me to practice compassion. From the other end hangs a sweet, silver bird, there to remind me to rise above and access my Buddha Nature.

Today, I'm so very grateful for the beautiful, spiritual women in my life with which I have the opportunity to share in mindful crafting and sacred circles like the one we experienced last night. My heart opens wide in their presence, flooded with compassion, gratitude and love.

Day 5 :: Gratitude & a New Moon

The moon enters a new lunar cycle today - a perfect time for setting intentions and counting our blessings. No surprise, my intention for the month is to practice compassion. I'm adding a focus on gratitude too, as the two really go together.

Practicing gratitude urges us to find the positive in our daily lives, and allows us to develop a greater awareness and appreciation for the little blessings that make up our days. From this, compassion flows naturally, as we open our hearts to the people, places and things we are grateful for.

Tonight, I will gather with the Mamas for our monthly New Moon ritual. We have a special mindful crafting activity planned too, themed around gratitude. I'm excited to share it with you here tomorrow!

Happy New Moon in Cancer (again)!

Day 3 :: Give Me a Break

Part Two - Kindness to Self

One of my favorite pearls of wisdom to offer others is to "treat yourself with the same compassion you would give a good friend." This sentiment is easier doled out than followed through upon. Since childhood, I have held myself to very high standards; in turn, I pay a hefty price when I don't meet the mark.

Today, I begin to work on compassion for myself. For me, this means relaxing my standards. Doing less. Loving myself more. Moving my self care up on the priority list. I have a lot more thoughts on ways to do this, and will be looking at them individually here over the next few weeks. But for today, I just wish to take that first step of moving into a new consciousness. One based in kindness and compassion, and free of judgment, for myself.

Day 1 :: Don't Judge Me (or Anyone/Anything Else)

"Today I shall judge nothing that occurs." - A Course in Miracles

I think to truly practice compassion for ourselves and others, we have to release judgment. Lately, I've noticed I'm judging everything: my days, my reactions to them, my actions & choices, the actions & choices of the people around me. Every situation is analyzed and classified. It's exhausting on every level. No wonder I feel so drained of energy.

Thinking about all this, I remembered reading a passage in Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. So I just dug it out: "when you are constantly evaluating, classifying, labeling, analyzing, you create a lot of turbulence in your internal dialogue. This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality."

For today, I'm going to try and practice non-judgment. I will not judge my children, my husband, the grocery store clerk... no one. I will not label my day and the moments within it. I will not criticize myself or my actions. Instead, I will seek understanding and compassion.

Care to join me?

30 Days of Compassion

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” - Dalai Lama

Last November, I wrote a series called 30 Days of Gratitude in honor of the season. Today, I introduce to you 30 Days of Compassion, an exercise in cultivating happiness. Please join me here over the next several weeks as I explore practicing compassion for self and others. I don't promise to write every day (an act of self compassion), but I hope I do.

A few things have inspired this exercise, but mostly it is a feeling that has been hanging around me for far too long. A quiet sense of uneasiness that keeps getting a little louder. As a mother, a daughter, a friend and a wife, I deeply wish for everyone around me to be happy and free of suffering. And I wish this for myself. But as life has it, we all suffer on some level. My father is ill and has been hospitalized for over a month; my children can't have everything they want; my husband is overwhelmed at work; friends are short on time, rest, help, money...

And so, I feel "called" to better understand compassion as a way to quiet the uneasiness building within and around me. I hope you will join me on this journey towards joy!